Toxicity comes in many forms. Some kill you quickly and mercilessly. Some kill you softly and silently. The second form is harder to detect and stop - by the time you detect it, it's far too late stop it.
Same goes for toxic people. They're a cancer to our soul. To preserve the quality of our lives, we ought to get rid of them - and fast. But trouble is, like most toxins, we don't detect them fast enough.
Prevention is better than cure. Best way to deal with toxic people is to avoid them at all cost, and run away as soon as they try to get close. So here are some tips on how to spot them.
1. They expect you to fit in their schedule
Want to meet up? They set the time. Meet where? Somewhere near they're at. When you gently suggest something that works better for you a change, they'll push back with 101 lame excuses. "My mind only functions after 10am and a cup of coffee". "Traffic is bad around my place". As if you don't have your own productivity cycle, and your own traffic woes.
You have to spin around their world. They don't move, you do all the running. They're the boss.
2. They expect you to follow their lifestyle
They want you to watch what they watch. Read what they read. Do what they do. Decline, and you'll be called out as a spoil-sport and party pooper. They'll drag you along by guilt-tripping. But it doesn't work vice versa. "Oh, it's not my thing, you go ahead". "You know I don't like the sun, my skin cracks." Yeah, and they'll make it a point to make you seem inconsiderate for even daring to suggest the activity.
You have to conform to their habits and hobbies. You don't have a say in the matter. You can't beat them, you have to join them.
3. They expect you to celebrate their achievements
They enjoy talking about themselves. Even if the topic is not about them, they'll find a way to slip in their own personal anecdote. "Oh, same thing happened to me, but mine was even crazier". "Oh yes, that reminds me of that one time I absolutely killed it...". No matter how good your story is, they'll always try to outdo you with a greater one.
They're the hero, the star, the champion. You're just the supporting cast, the fan, the spectator who has to rise up to give them a standing ovation. The stage is theirs, your place is behind the curtain.
4. They expect you to play by their rules
Games are fun. But they'll be the one hosting them, insisting to play only those that they enjoy and excel in. Same with parties. They take control of parties (even yours), dictating everything from menu to dress code. And they're quick to wave you the red card when they spot an infraction. "Didn't I tell you this morning to get the ice?". "Please no karaoke - I can't sing".
They formulate, interpret and apply the rules of your social circle (but not on themselves, since they'll always find some loophole to escape punishment). You have little choice but to play along.
Run, Run Away!
Funny thing is, most of our BFFs do all of the above. The difference lies in their methods and intentions. And you can tell the difference by the subtle signs above.
That's the scary part about toxic people. They act like you're their bestest friends. Like they know what's best for you. Like they put your best interests first. But they aren't, and don't. They're just doing all these acts to feed their own egos, desires and needs.
Spot any of those signs in someone you know? Then run away. Run far, far away. Run like the wind. Run before their toxicity destroys your soul.
Same goes for toxic people. They're a cancer to our soul. To preserve the quality of our lives, we ought to get rid of them - and fast. But trouble is, like most toxins, we don't detect them fast enough.
Prevention is better than cure. Best way to deal with toxic people is to avoid them at all cost, and run away as soon as they try to get close. So here are some tips on how to spot them.
 |
| Toxicity also comes in pink |
Want to meet up? They set the time. Meet where? Somewhere near they're at. When you gently suggest something that works better for you a change, they'll push back with 101 lame excuses. "My mind only functions after 10am and a cup of coffee". "Traffic is bad around my place". As if you don't have your own productivity cycle, and your own traffic woes.
You have to spin around their world. They don't move, you do all the running. They're the boss.
2. They expect you to follow their lifestyle
They want you to watch what they watch. Read what they read. Do what they do. Decline, and you'll be called out as a spoil-sport and party pooper. They'll drag you along by guilt-tripping. But it doesn't work vice versa. "Oh, it's not my thing, you go ahead". "You know I don't like the sun, my skin cracks." Yeah, and they'll make it a point to make you seem inconsiderate for even daring to suggest the activity.
You have to conform to their habits and hobbies. You don't have a say in the matter. You can't beat them, you have to join them.
3. They expect you to celebrate their achievements
They enjoy talking about themselves. Even if the topic is not about them, they'll find a way to slip in their own personal anecdote. "Oh, same thing happened to me, but mine was even crazier". "Oh yes, that reminds me of that one time I absolutely killed it...". No matter how good your story is, they'll always try to outdo you with a greater one.
They're the hero, the star, the champion. You're just the supporting cast, the fan, the spectator who has to rise up to give them a standing ovation. The stage is theirs, your place is behind the curtain.
4. They expect you to play by their rules
Games are fun. But they'll be the one hosting them, insisting to play only those that they enjoy and excel in. Same with parties. They take control of parties (even yours), dictating everything from menu to dress code. And they're quick to wave you the red card when they spot an infraction. "Didn't I tell you this morning to get the ice?". "Please no karaoke - I can't sing".
They formulate, interpret and apply the rules of your social circle (but not on themselves, since they'll always find some loophole to escape punishment). You have little choice but to play along.
 |
| Stay away from toxic people. Be like Tim. |
Funny thing is, most of our BFFs do all of the above. The difference lies in their methods and intentions. And you can tell the difference by the subtle signs above.
That's the scary part about toxic people. They act like you're their bestest friends. Like they know what's best for you. Like they put your best interests first. But they aren't, and don't. They're just doing all these acts to feed their own egos, desires and needs.
Spot any of those signs in someone you know? Then run away. Run far, far away. Run like the wind. Run before their toxicity destroys your soul.
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